hate is such an ugly emotion.
it rattles around in our pockets like loose change. & if someone just so happens to bump into us, it pours out like all our pride shattering onto a tile floor.
we fall to our knees, scattered, trying to pick up the pieces. salvaging ourselves. in hopes that people aren’t watching.
but people cannot look away from hate. it draws eyes like a pretty girl or a man missing a leg. it sounds – like a bright neon sign looks.
the only way to handle hate is to set it down.
it’s easier to hate than it is to love. love means giving up our pride & trading it for something quieter to put in our pockets.
everyone is capable of loving. sometimes you just gotta go out & ask a stranger what their favorite movie is. or try to guess their favorite flavor of ice cream. sometimes showing love means going outside your comfort zone. it could mean doing something you don’t really wanna do for someone else. it could mean surrender.
& surrender is always easier than trying to fight a battle that you can’t win.
you’d be surprised how many less “strangers” you would encounter in your day to day life. if you just set yourself aside.
that’s all besides the point. so let me tell you something i learned recently that isn’t.
nobody is looking at you, broken into your million little pieces, thinking you’re beautiful. nobody’s gonna come pick your shattered pieces off the floor & reassemble you into something whole & wonderful.
the next time you look at yourself in the mirror, you are probably not going to think, “dang i make broken look beautiful.”
you let the Creator of your broken soul recreate you.
because as much as we love pretending that our jagged edges amount to some sort of beautiful disaster,
there really isn’t anything beautiful about shaky hands with skinny fingers gripping onto cigarettes, or tired eyes staring at the same old cracks in the wall.
the beauty comes from letting go.
looking at yourself in the mirror & smiling despite the nasty scars.
listening to the birds & smiling at the reminder that freedom is just around the corner.
it’s portrayed by the friends who stick by you, the lovers who give you strength. “laugh through the tears, baby.”
so here’s the deal. no one is coming to save you unless you come to grips with the fact that you do indeed need to be rescued. no one will come running after you unless you surrender to the truth that you, my friend, are far far away from grace.
you need someone to pick you up out of the dust & surrendering to that is a scary, beautiful thing that changes your life the second you realize it.
this bitter sweet season will soon come to an end. & from it will come a sense of newness. big plans & big decisions & grand adventures.
so let Him take your shaky hands & lead you step by step. through fields of wildflowers, where your left pulling your dress from the thistles. through deserts full of storms. it’ll all be ok.
there are days i wiggle to let go. just wanting to shake my way out of God’s grasp. “don’t You know where these hands have been?” i wonder. thinking surely a good & lovely God wouldn’t choose to hold these dirty hands through this life. right?
no matter how much i choose to doubt my worth & capabilities, Jesus continually reminds me of His never ending love for rotten souls. especially mine.
i don’t get it. not one bit.
but He doesn’t let go. His grasp never ceases. He keeps hold of my hands through it all, calming the shake.
He pushes me to the end of myself. out of my comfort zone. out of my own understanding & into His trust.
your knees may be bruised from hitting the ground so much. but keep going, love. let Him carry you through.
turning 18 may not be as dreamy lookin’ as you had hoped for, but there is still goodness to be found here.
“don’t let hate cover your eyes, child.”
fight through this skinned knee, tear-stained, season. for there are prettier ones coming your way.