for me, the first sentences are the hardest parts. they’re always the messiest.
i take out my notebook & end up drawing scribbles through the first five lines of the page. give or take a few.
wandering where do i start? how do i begin?
i wanna pull you in. wrap my words around ya like a tight warm hug. pull ya under like a wave.
i think this issue for me goes beyond just writing blog posts. it’s true in the everyday too.
we all want people to see us & be under the impression that we know what we’re talking about. like we know what we’re doing & our dreams aren’t crazy.
i/we wanna look/sound like we have it all together, right?
i don’t know, maybe you guys really are under the impression that i have it all together. if so, i can’t decide whether that makes me wanna laugh or cry. because that’s far from the truth.
like kim kardashian’s boobs are real – far from true.
this wandering heart has a tendency to make it’s own path. to willingly get lost along the way. make up it’s own journey.
it loves without thinking. it learns the hard way.
it spends too much time dwelling on the small things. looking at what’s between the cracks.
it finds the most abundant life on the wrong turns & turn back around’s.
we’re all just trying to master this whole art-of-being-human thing, right?
we’re all trying to be better, aren’t we?
find our own solid ground, laugh when we fall, & find hope where everyone else says hope cannot be found, no?
sometimes, life leaves us feeling like a pen out of ink. we’re drowning in our insecurities & the best way to describe the way we feel is
chewed up & spit back out.
but guess what?
you’re not always gonna get this right.
you won’t always be everyone’s cup of tea. there’ll be people who don’t give you a fair taste without sugar or honey or something to sweeten you up a little bit. people will look at you funny. they’ll scramble for ways to understand you.
but we shouldn’t let those people keep us from wearing our personality. even if it’s five sizes too big.
walk out the door with a bounce in your step. people won’t know how to swallow it.
to them you may be some oddball.
& maybe you just are.
maybe you’re a complete nut, totally offbeat. an absolute crazy. but thank God.
thank God that’s what/who you are.
because yes, right now you may feel like a tourist in your own skin – i know i do at times.
like a bunch of fanny pack wearers are snappin pictures of all the things you hate about yourself & they’re hanging them up for everyone to see.
everyone’s looking at your flaws.
but with this fear that rolls off the tongue much easier than lovelier, calming words do – there is a simple truth attached.
the beautiful mess that you & i both are is so seen & so loved.
though being human & having flaws sucks (& lemme tell ya, you’re talking to the humanest of humans)
it’s also an incredibly beautiful place to be. to have no choice but to cling to Jesus.
nothing else to do or no other place to turn but to that sweet face.
so whatever season you’re finding yourself in right now… wherever your first sentences have seemed to take you –
let it cross paths with the God with an eraser. don’t be afraid to start over.
forget scribbling through the trainwreck, & making an even bigger mess.
let Jesus show you where to start. breathe a little deeper & begin again.